Monica Lewinsky Is Back In The News Over Tasty Treats

( )- The city of Portland, Oregon is a mess, filled with Leftist agitators who destroy property, set fires, and occasionally kill people while the police do nothing to maintain order. You’d think there would be more relevant news to report from Portland than Monica Lewinsky stopping in the city.

But you would be wrong.

The website Portland Mercury reported on Wednesday that Monica Lewinsky made a trip to Portland for an event at her alma mater Lewis & Clark College called “An Evening With Monica Lewinsky BS ’95: Social Activism, the Price of Shame, and Resilience.”

But rather than report on Lewinsky’s speech, Portland Mercury blew the lid off of Monica’s desperate search for a particular coffee cake she once enjoyed while she was a student of Lewis & Clark College in her pre-cigar-in-the-Oval-Office days.

Lewinsky asked her Twitter followers to help her in her relentless search for the White Whale of Portland coffee cakes. Some demanded that Lewinsky let go of the past and try the baked goods from Grand Central Bakery. Others suggested the coffee cake could be found at Jim & Patty’s Coffee People on Northeast Fremont.

Finally success!

Lewinsky figured out that the coffee cake she craved was made by Schwartz Brothers Bakery. Schwartz Brothers then let Monica know she could buy their coffee cake at QFC.

Whew! Crisis averted.

Now, if only Portland could do something to solve the problem of the black-clad army of pierced and tattooed misfits who keep setting fire to the buildings.

For the record, Monica Lewinsky is “very particular” about her “cake:crumble ratio.” She likes to “break off the top layer” to get just the “right amount of cake.”

Someone alert Bill Clinton!